If restaurants functioned like Microsoft....

Patron:  Waiter!

Waiter:  Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems
         to be the problem?

Patron:  There's a fly in my soup!

Waiter:  Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.

Patron:  No, it's still there.

Waiter:  Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a
         fork instead.

Patron:  Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.

Waiter:  Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl
         are you using?

Patron:  A SOUP bowl!

Waiter:  Hmmm, that should work.  Maybe it's a configuration problem; how
         was the bowl set up?

Patron:  You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the
         fly in my soup?!

Waiter:  Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in
         your soup?

Patron:  I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!

Waiter:  Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?

Patron:  You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??

Waiter:  Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.

Patron:  Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?

Waiter:  The current Soup of the Day is tomato.

Patron:  Fine.  Bring me the tomato soup, and the check.  I'm running late
         now.

Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check.

Waiter:  Here you are, Sir.  The soup and your check.

Patron:  This is potato soup.

Waiter:  Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.

Patron:  Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.

Waiter leaves.

Patron:  Waiter!  There's a gnat in my soup!

The check:

Soup of the Day ................................... $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day .................. $2.50
Access to support ................................. $1.00